I know it’s probably my fault. I woke up too early this morning. I allowed myself to fall asleep during the day. I can’t sleep.

I’ve been thinking lately. I spend so much time trying to convince everyone around me that I this happy guy. I spend so much time trying to convince everyone around me that I’m ok, that I’m over it, that I believe that I’m better off. Sometimes I start to actually believe my own bullshit. But 4am cuts through the bullshit. 4am makes me realize how not happy I am. How not ok I am, how not over it I am, how I couldn’t ever believe that I’m better off.

I’ve spent the evening thinking about the things that I’ve not allowed myself to think about. About the rain. I don’t know why the rain, but specifically the rain. Can’t even begin to know why that’s my favorite memory. Such a retarded memory to care so much about. The rain and gloves. New Brunswick.

It’s 4am and I want nothing more than to hear your voice. It’s 4am and I miss you more than ever.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 4:26 am and is filed under Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.