My Childhood Secret
There is a large portion of my childhood that I simply can’t remember. I believe it’s called a coping mechanism. Everytime anybody mentions some random thing that I should know about. Things from when I was a kid. Things I’ve done. Places I’ve been. Movies I know I had to have seen. But I don’t remember. I feel like thing thing controls me. That this thing is making me who I am. It always makes me wonder how my life would be different if I had a more “normal” childhood. While it’s impossible for me to completely blame that for all the various issues I have today, but sometimes it feels like I’d be a more “normal” person. Sometimes it feel like everyone knows, like I’m wearing a big fucking sign that says… Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what the sign says. I keep hearing her ask me about it, a person who I don’t know that somehow knew my secret without more than an hour long discussion. Sometimes I want to tell everyone, my one big secret. But I never can. Sometimes it just feels like it would be easier for me if everyone did know. That maybe it’s what I need to finally let that helpless kid in me die. I want that kid to die. And I can’t begin to explain the happiness I felt when I heard that bitch was dead, and I don’t even feel bad for saying that. Needless to say today is my punishment for yesterday. For having a good day, when I hadn’t deserved it. That’s the way it feels anyway.
March 4th, 2007 at 2:09 am
I know it doesn’t help anything or change anything, but I love you. For all you are and regardless of your inability to accept it. You can delete this comment if you want, but don’t forget it.
March 7th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
[...] couple of weeks. There were several things that I won’t even talk about. And atleast one that I already have. I’ve spent so much time lately just trying to get my emotions in [...]