My Three False Starts and an Inconclusive Conclusion
“Why,” she asked. “Because I woke up in a bad place today and I need to get used to living there,” I replied. I suspect she might have misunderstood the meaning behind that. You may call it self destructive, but I call it self medication. It seems I may have more to worry about than having some date to a wedding that I probably wasn’t even sincerely invited to. I tired of the feeling of loneliness being so depressing. I want to finally be ok with being alone.
I heard a song today. Actually I heard the song three days ago when I first started to try to write this. It was a song from my personal forbidden list. It came on the radio. After the initial dread of hearing to first three chords, I felt nothing. It was only a song, one I don’t even particularly care for. But I felt nothing. A song that three weeks ago would have put me into a three day funk. I guess that doesn’t mean that I’m over her, afterall I realized the apparent significance on the song. But maybe I am getting there
I’ve been on edge lately. I’ve snapped at people for little more than suggesting a, yeah I’ll say it, better way of doing something. It was my “well fuck you too” attitude. An attitude I grew to hate more and more as she constantly tried to push my buttons.
The movie in my head. The soundtrack playing over the scenes. A movie directed by Guy Ritchie and possibly Peter Jackson. A movie that only plays to this particular score. Okay, maybe four false starts and no conclusion, but whatever…
